marriage helper

By Edwin Christiaan

A difficult marriage can rob you of the peace and confidence God wants you to have. You will be struggling with a host of negative emotions, and circumstances that are far different from what you had hoped. When you look at your spouse, you may see any number of issues that hurts your marriage.

God intended for husbands and wives to treat each other with mutual love, respect, and a forgiving attitude, and never to control, be harsh or abusive to each other. Therefore, it is important to note that if your spouse tries to force you to do something that’s contrary to the  Word of God or that will cause harm to you or others, you should refuse to do it.

We need to realize that you cannot change another person, only God can. We have to admit our part in our marital problems, and study the  motives for our actions; shift the focus from trying to change your spouse to working on changing yourself. It will certainly improve the dynamics of the marital relationship, because a change by one person can affect the whole relationship. Ask God to renew your heart and set a right spirit within you.

Here are some Biblical principles you can apply to find that peace and confidence God wants you to have as you learn to appreciate and compliment your spouse, even in the midst of a difficult marriage. Your approval and encouragement in one area could motivate your spouse to  change in other areas.

We need to always remember that God is ultimately in control of all situations – including our marriage – and that we can trust Him!

We have personalized these scriptures to make them more understandable and applicable. You can use them as affirmations by reading them out loud.

What The Husband Says About His Wife:

My wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within my home. (See Psalm 128:3)

I drink water from my own well— I share my love only with my wife. (See Proverbs 5:15)

My wife is a fountain of blessing to me. I rejoice in the wife of my  youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Her breasts satisfy me always. I am always captivated by her love. Why would I be captivated by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? (See Proverbs 5:18-20)

I found a wife and found a treasure, and receive favor from the Lord. (See Proverbs 18:22)

Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord could give me an understanding wife. (See Proverbs 19:14)

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? My wife is more precious  than rubies. I can trust her, and she will greatly enrich my life. She brings me good, not harm, all the days of her life. (See Proverbs 31:10-12)

I praise my wife: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the  world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. I reward her for all she has done. I let her deeds publicly declare her praise. (See Proverbs 31:28-31)

I live happily with the woman I love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given me under the sun. The wife God gave me is my reward for all my earthly toil. (See Ecclesiastes 9:9)

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since my wife and I are no  longer two but one, no one can separate what God has joined together.”  (See Matthew 19:4-6)

I should fulfill my wife’s sexual needs, and my wife should fulfill  her husband’s needs. My wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and I give authority over my body to my wife. I do not deprive my wife of sexual relations, unless we both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so we can give ourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, we come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt me because of my lack of self-control. (See 1. Corinthians 7:3-5 NLT)

I have a wife; I do not seek to end the marriage. (See 1. Corinthians 7:27)

I must love my wife, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, I ought to love my wife as I love my own body. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great  mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, I must love my wife as I love myself, and my wife  must respect her husband. (See Ephesians 5:25-33)

I love my wife and will never want to treat her harshly. (See Colossians 3:19)

In the same way, I must give honor to my wife and treat her with understanding as I live together with her. She may be weaker than I am, but she is my equal partner in God’s gift of new life. I must treat her as I should so that my prayers will not be hindered. (See 1. Peter 3:7)

What The Wife Says About Her Husband:

I am a worthy wife, a crown and joy to my husband and not a shameful woman who saps his energy. (See Proverbs 12:4)

My husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. (See Proverbs 31:23)

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and I should  fulfill my husband’s needs. I give authority over my body to my husband,  and my husband gives authority over his body to me.

I do not deprive my husband of sexual relations, unless we both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so we can give ourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, we come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt me because of my lack of self-control. (See 1. Corinthians 7:3-5)

I submit to my husband as to the Lord. For my husband, is the head of me, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so I should submit to my husband in everything. (See Ephesians 5:22-24)

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and I respect my husband. (See Ephesians 5:33)

I submit to my husband, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. (See Colossians 3:18)

In the same way, I must accept the authority of my husband. Then, even if he refuses to obey the Good News, my godly life will speak to him without any words. He will be won over by observing my pure and godly behavior. I am not concerned about the outward beauty of fancy  hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. I clothe myself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and  accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. I am her daughter when I do what is right without fear of what my husband might do. (See 1. Peter 3:1-6)

I will teach others what is good. I will train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame to the word of God. (See Titus 2:3-5)

Copyright©2011 Edwin & Sophia Christiaan