She Is Your Wife

By Edwin Christiaan

“Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Matthew 19:6 NLT

About six years ago when I just got married to Sophia, I met this friendly Christian brother after a church meeting. Suddenly out of the blue as we were talking, he pointed at Sophia, who was sitting on the couch talking to someone, and in a loud voice he said to me: “She is your wife!”

After this encounter, these words, “She is your wife” has continued to resonate in my head for years now. I realized that it was God telling me through this brother that He brought Sophia and me together for His purpose. These words made a deep impact on me, and made me understand my role and responsibility as a husband in relation to my wife. It is these words, “She is your wife” that, when we go through testing and challenging times, reminds me of God’s calling and will for us to be together. It is amazing to see how God always leads us through every circumstance and causes us to grow closer in love and understanding toward each other and blossom in our marriage.

I am very humbled when I hear people say that the marriage relationship between Sophia and me radiate God’s love and peace. That is because of God’s Spirit, who encourages us daily to live and abide by His Word. It is through God’s grace that I learn how to treat my wife; honoring, respecting, and loving her. Ultimately, the purpose of a godly marriage is for people to taste and see how good Jesus Christ, who is the bridegroom, treats His Church, the bride. In other words, a godly marriage reflects the love relationship between Jesus Christ and His Church!

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.” Ephesians 5:25-29 NLT

My purpose with this study is to encourage men to follow what I have learned and is still learning through God’s Word when it comes to how to treat our spouses and receive God’s blessings for doing so.

First of all, it is important to understand that not every (Christian) marriage is joined together by God. Often times, it is our own doing, as we chose against all warnings to still go ahead and enter a marital relationship with someone God did not approve of. We end up living in an emotional, spiritual, and physical state of separation instead of being united intimately. It becomes clear that God’s blessing does not rest on the marriage.

As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, if you know that a decision you want to take is against God’s will and you still do it, it is sin! No matter your reasoning, or good intentions.

“Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.” James 4:17 NLT

Sin stands between you and God, and therefore needs to be dealt with by repenting and asking God to forgive you for going against His will. You must love and obey God’s commandments. Then God, one way or the other, will turn your bad marriage circumstances for the good.

“If you love me, obey my commandments.” John 14:15 NLT

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT

For those who married as unbelievers and then one of the spouses became a follower of Christ, the apostle Paul gives the following remedy if the unbelieving spouse is willing to continue to live with the Christian spouse, and/or what to do if the unbelieving spouse insists on leaving the marriage:

Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 1. Corinthians 7:12 NLT

(“But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.”) 1. Corinthians 7:15 NLT

We also need to understand that we are not supposed to be in a marriage where we are forced to do things against God’s will, where we are emotionally, verbally, and physically (including sexually) abused and preyed upon, and where sexual immorality or adultery is taking place. Instead, we need to obey God rather than any human authority.

“We must obey God rather than any human authority.” Acts 5:29 NLT

“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” Hebrews 13:4 NLT

Now, I want to give us men some biblical guidelines that speaks for itself on how to treat our wives in order to have a God-reflective marriage relationship:

“If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage.” 1. Corinthians 7:27 NLT

“Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers.” Proverbs 5:15-17 NLT

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28 NLT

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs,” 1. Corinthians 7:3 NLT

“Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.” Colossians 3:19 NLT

“But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.” 1. Corinthians 7:33 NLT

“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” 1. Peter 3:7 NLT

Do all this because: She Is Your Wife!

Copyright©2011 Edwin & Sophia Christiaan