An Ode To My Wife

By Edwin Christiaan | 2009 |

It is almost 4 years ago that I married my wife, Sophia. Wherever we go, people tell her that not only she is very beautiful, but that she looks like an angel. A prophetess once told me that God gave her to me as a reward for all the hurt I have been through. We both come from erroneous and abusive past marriages with strong “Jezebel” and “Ahab” spirit tendencies, that we inherited from the generational curse passed on by our parents.

“Even so I do not leave sin unpunished, but I punish the children for the sins of their parents to the third and fourth generations.” Exodus 34:7 NLT

I compare my behavior in those days of my previous marriage with that of the story of the prophet Elijah, when he fearfully fled for his life into the desert, hiding and wanting to die after receiving a letter from Queen Jezebel vowing to kill him for the fact that he had confronted, challenged, and ultimately slaughtered all her false Baal prophets. Just like the prophet Elijah, I was able to confront and expose evil forces in the lives of people as I ministered deliverance to them in the past – when I was in the anointing of God. But equally, like Elijah, I wasn’t able to deal with the intimidating and manipulating spirit of Jezebel in my own marriage, as it caused me to be fearful, depressed, and emotionally unstable, often isolating myself.

When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel what Elijah had done and that he had slaughtered the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: “May the gods also kill me if by this time tomorrow I have failed to take your life like those whom you killed.” Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went on alone into the desert, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors.” 1. Kings 19:1-4 NLT

The name “Jezebel” means “un-husbanded.” Our interpretation of this is, that even if the woman possessed by the Jezebel Spirit is married, it will never be a marriage where she will acknowledge her God-given role in the marriage. She will have an attitude of wanting to be equal to the man in all matters—even try to prove to be a better leader than the husband. One of the main purposes of this evil spirit of Jezebel is to have the wives in the marriage take over the spiritual headship from their husbands, teaching and controlling them, and in doing so, reversing Gods order for marriage.

But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1. Corinthians 11:3 NKJV

“Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols.” Revelation 2:20 NKJV

Unless the husband fights his wife for supremacy, he will ultimately end up assuming a submissive place in the marriage. Men who are forced into spiritual submission to their wives tend to be angry, and they retreat like Jezebel’s husband King Ahab of Israel did when his neighbor, Naboth, had a vineyard he refused to sell to King Ahab. Ahab’s wife, Jezebel, took matters in her own hands, and used her husbands’ name to give herself the authority she needed to have Naboth falsely accused and killed, so she could give her husband the vineyard he desired so much.

King Ahab had a palace in Jezreel, and near the palace was a vineyard owned by a man named Naboth. One day Ahab said to Naboth, “Since your vineyard is so convenient to the palace, I would like to buy it to use as a vegetable garden. I will give you a better vineyard in exchange, or if you prefer, I will pay you for it.”

So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name, sealed them with his seal, and sent them to the elders and other leaders of the city where Naboth lived. In her letters she commanded: “Call the citizens together for fasting and prayer and give Naboth a place of honor. Find two scoundrels who will accuse him of cursing God and the king. Then take him out and stone him to death.”
1. Kings 21:1-10 NLT

But Naboth replied, “The LORD forbid that I should give you the inheritance that was passed down by my ancestors.” So Ahab went home angry and sullen because of Naboth’s answer. The king went to bed with his face to the wall and refused to eat! “What in the world is the matter?” his wife, Jezebel, asked him. “What has made you so upset that you are not eating?” “I asked Naboth to sell me his vineyard or to trade it, and he refused!” Ahab told her. “Are you the king of Israel or not?” Jezebel asked. “Get up and eat and don’t worry about it. I’ll get you Naboth’s vineyard!”

When Jezebel heard the news, she said to Ahab, “You know the vineyard Naboth wouldn’t sell you? Well, you can have it now! He’s dead!” So Ahab immediately went down to the vineyard to claim it. 1. Kings 21:15-16 NLT

Being a “Jezebel” as this example above shows, is an active role whereby a woman actively controls, and actively does her own thing. Ahab turned his blind eye when his wife worked behind the scenes. Many men will rather turn their heads when they see their wives stepping out of their God-given role, so they don’t have to deal with the stone-cold anger they receive from their wives if they dare to resist her in any way. They also tend to keep a distance from their wives emotionally, fearing that if they reveal their true self, their wives will use it against them when they have a fall-out.

In this day and age, we have lost the clear understanding of what a godly/spiritual woman is supposed to look like. What we think is spiritual many times God actually labels “Jezebel.” When a woman tries to control areas of her husband’s life because she thinks she is right, she is actually taking authority over him and lording over him. A depressed, discontent woman, who feels that her husband does not meet her needs, is in reality dishonoring God. In order to become a righteous woman, reaping the benefits of having her husband adore her, she must follow God’s principles of womanhood and totally reject the Jezebel tendencies.

The last three years, Sophia and I have traveled extensively for the ministry throughout the US and abroad, staying with many different families. We have seen that wherever there is a woman in the house who has taken over the husband’s role in leading the family, the husband has almost always lost the natural drive to take responsibility.

We often see that the woman is criticizing and pressuring the husband to be spiritual, saying things like this to him: “I am waiting for you to start taking responsibility and be the spiritual leader in the home.” Women, who dominate their husbands and control their environments, are usually emotionally and physically exhausted, or constantly sick.

One time, when we were staying at a home of a certain couple, I was sitting in the living room watching television when I asked Sophia to bring me a glass of water. The lady of the house immediately commented that I should have gotten the glass of water myself, not “ordering Sophia around,” thus, disrespectfully interfering in our personal affairs. Upon this, Sophia told her about our marriage: “We love to serve one another. It is a natural thing for us.” We knew the lady’s reaction was venom she spewed because of her own control issues with her husband which she projected unto our relationship. She simply couldn’t hold is the issues of her heart.

Dominance and control are always masculine. It is a hormonal thing. It is the way God designed the male nature. At the other hand, God created a woman to be feminine in order for her man to view her as his exact counterpart, and in that way, he will respond to her protectively, with love and gentleness. By nature, men need to be honored and respected. They need to feel that they are in command and doing a good job. An important God-given part of the man is to bring his wife pleasure. All these traits are basic masculine needs. Women are created to be a helper to the man and fulfill his basic masculine needs in the role of submissiveness, which is totally feminine. Only in that role, a woman will find peace and cause her man to respond to her in loving adoration.

And the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him.Genesis 2:18 NLT

“For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.” 1. Corinthians 11:8-10 NKJV

Whenever a woman obeys God by responding to the needs of her husband, she is worshiping and honoring God.

My wife Sophia understands and acts upon these Godly principles:

“Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NKJV

She believes this very first command God gave to a woman, as she many times tells me how much she loves to have me as her husband.

“You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24 NLT

She understands her role as a married woman. She knows that God is the one who brought us together for His purpose, and therefore she willingly and joyfully follows my leadership in Jesus Christ.

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12 NLT

She is a great blessing to me, always willing to help me and support me in Gods calling and plan for our lives. I trust her with all my heart.

“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hair-styles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. That is the way the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.” 1. Peter 3:3-5 NLT

She is a beautiful woman from the inside and the outside, but she is always concerned about making sure that God’s inner beauty of having a gentle and quiet spirit prevails in her.

Sophia, I am honored and blessed to be your husband. I love you!

Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!Proverbs 31:28-29 NLT

Copyright©2009 Sophia & Edwin Christiaan