By Edwin Christiaan | April 30, 2021
There is an epidemic of sex addicts in our society which includes countless married Christian men.
Sex addiction involves many sinful sexual behaviors like infidelity, pornography, cyber-sex, phone-sex, buying sex, masturbation, exhibitionism, bestiality, rape, and incest.
Sexual addiction provides an emotional escape through sinful sexual activity, but it always ends up spiraling out of control, bringing about devastating consequences. It causes the addict to do hazardous and irrational things which will get them into serious problems with the Law and result in being arrested for things like prostitution and solicitation of sex with minors.
Sex addiction causes someone to become more and more secretive as they withdraw from socializing with family and friends in order to devote all their time to their sexual escapades.
Instead of enjoying a fulfilling sexual life within his marriage, where he seeks to serve and please his wife (see 1. Corinthians 7:3), the sex-addicted husband chooses to soothe his own inner struggles by selfishly applying sex as a source of relief and comfort. He uses sex to combat deep emotional pain, self-hatred, and feelings of being unloved, abandoned, or rejected. He needs this comfort like an alcoholic need alcohol. Sex in the marriage becomes a selfish act, where he basically uses his wife to please himself. Many even go as far as trying to entice their wives into having a threesome, an orgy, or go to a swinger’s club.
The married man may feel like he is struggling and is therefore self-medicating, but he is far from the only victim. Here are some of the feelings a sex addicted husband causes in his wife: Betrayal, rejection, disgust, being an object, fear, anger, hurt, jealousy, confusion, panic, sadness, shock, denial, insecurity, and self-doubt.
SEX ADDICTS LOSE ALL SELF-CONTROL
One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self-control (see Galatians 5:23).
Sex addicts cannot control their obsessive sexual impulses. They deny they have a problem and make huge efforts to get it under control, yet without succeeding. They might promise themselves to stop visiting internet porn sites, yet still end up watching porn and masturbating minutes later.
A sex addict craves intimacy, and falsely believes that sex will lead to the intimacy they crave. But it fails to satisfy time after time, which leads to an enormous sense of inner emptiness. As the emptiness grows stronger, so also the need to fill it with some sort of relief, however temporary. This is how the evil circle of needing more of their temporary solution to bring relief gives birth to full-blown addiction.
Christian sex addicts know that what they are doing is wrong, but are helpless in the face of the false promise of quick relief.
Jesus said this,
“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 NLT
“If your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” Matthew 5:29-30 NLT
What Jesus was saying here is that you should do everything you can to avoid this temptation. Sexual activity outside the marriage relationship is sinful. Lusting after women is not what God had in mind for a marriage.
The Bible says about sex addicts,
“All they think about is having sex with someone else’s husband or wife. There is no end to their wicked deeds. But they are headed for trouble!” 2. Peter 2:14 CEV
In another translation,
“They commit adultery with their eyes, and their desire for sin is never satisfied.” 2. Peter 2:14 NLT
God instead wants you to be holy and not immoral in matters of sex. You should respect and honor your wife, and not to be a slave of your desires or live like people who don’t know God. (See 1. Thessalonians 4:3-5).
“For you are a slave to whatever controls you.” 2. Peter 2:19 NLT
So,“Don’t be controlled by your body. Kill every desire for the wrong kind of sex.” Colossians 3:5 CEV
Because,“God is especially hard on those who follow their own twisted sexual desire.” 2. Peter 2:10 NLT
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.” 1. Thessalonians 4:3 NLT
Job said something very profound, that all Christian men should take to heart.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” Job 31:1 NLT